Learning to say “Sorry” I realized then is one of the toughest things to do since I got married. But going 4 years soon this May (all by God’s grace!), I learned how valuable this word was to be restored to a loving relationship to my husband, and also to God.
You see I grew up in an environment where saying sorry is cheesy and unnecessary. Things just eventually work out sooner or later.
Back when I was younger.. Had a big fight with my older sister that involved some unladylike behavior? After a week we talk normally, as if an explosion didn’t just occur a few days before. Got into an argument with my mom? The next day one of us just asks a question, then it’s back to regular programming and the relationship will be restored. Or so we would like to think.
As Jason learned in GLC 2 (CCF), family life is a priority. To have a good relationship with our family.
Good relationship I guess is defined as peaceful and harmonious. Later on my husband and I realized saying sorry is just the tip of the iceberg.
During our first year in marriage, saying sorry was still a struggle (at times until now), even with Jason.
I don’t know when it happened. One day after some arguing to see who’s got the most explanations up his or her sleeve, Jason suddenly said, I’m sorry. I was surprised. In the following days or whenever some fights would occur, I was shocked to see Jason initiate those words. Even when I would sometimes provoke him after his apology, he would say I’m sorry… the next part was.. “Will you Forgive Me?”
What was I to say?? My pride told him, “I’ll think about it” but of course the next day I would tell him that I do forgive him and I also apologize.
I believe this sparked some change in our crazy cycle of arguments. By Jason modeling how it is to say sorry. It took some time but when my husband – the leader of our family, comes to me in humility, my wall of pride is slowly crumbling and I become unguarded and softhearted.
I guess this applies to all relationships.. If you’re the one who feels disappointed and hurt, be the one to say sorry. If you feel discouraged, encourage others (nick vujicic, life without limits). Even with employer-employee relationship, parents and children, managers and the people they manage. When the leader is unwilling, even the followers will grow cold. But when the leader shows humility, this changes the course of the relationship. Because even leaders make mistakes. It’s better to come in humility than be unyielding when they make a mistake. Humility isn’t weakness in fact it saves us from disgrace.
Proverbs 11:2 When pride comes, then comes disgrace,
but with humility comes wisdom.
It’s so much easier to move on with our lives after arguments, after a misunderstanding with our loved ones, workmates, and friends. Later on though, those unresolved matters puts tiny dents in our relationships that will blow up later on. It’s so easy to leave it at that for the meantime, but it takes someone strong to confront a situation and be genuinely sorry and apologize.
The apology is a way of accepting responsibility for our behavior and expressing regret – Dr. Gary Chapman, Love Language Minute Devotional.
Soon it’s becoming a practice in our relationship. Saying sorry is not enough (at least for us). There must be a confession of what offense we committed, and then the question, “will you forgive me?”.
In our marriage, there must be a question if the other party has truly forgiven the offender. Or else we might just be saying sorry for the sake of ourselves than for the person we offended. Marriage is not about me. It takes the selfishness out of me.
Now we know that these are the 2 phrases important to keep our marriage healthy, (because in marriage we will make mistakes and apology is necessary for good relationships according to Dr. Gary Chapman), we mustn’t abuse it and just go through the motion of “I’m Sorry will you forgive me” speech.
It’s important to have a relationship with God, because only God can truly impress in our hearts the faults we have done, we’re doing, and we are contemplating to make. Only God can compel us to feel truly sorry and even identify what fault we made. Even if I am stubborn refusing to apologize after a heated argument with Jason. When I come to God in prayer, He tugs at my heart to be humble and apologize. I often get no sleep and have no rest for my soul when things are left unresolved and I suppose this goes for my husband too.
So whenever I’m feeling pride in my heart I know it’s best to come to and learn from the one who has perfected humility. That King who came down here on earth to live a life unfit for royalty and even chose to be crucified – to die for the sins of many, Jesus Christ.
In Matthew 11:29 He says, Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.
Almost 4 years down the road, our communication line has become easier and more open only by God’s grace. In counseling other couples we noticed how our “harmless” pride can ruin a smooth sailing relationship. Pride in the things we do, pride in forcing what we think is right (what is our basis of right?), pride in not accepting our mistakes.
I share with my ladies that as a wife it is my role to Help, Encourage, Respect and Submit (H.E.R.S) to my husband as I have learned in a marriage retreat early this year.
The moment I become disrespectful to Jason or raise my voice in a discussion, no matter how much he was wrong will not justify my action and make it right. I too am in err. Two wrongs do not make things right.
God convicts me every time with this. I need God in my life and the moment I am not in good terms with the closest person in my life (my husband) (later with other people too), it strains my relationship with God as well. God forgives but the moment I am unrepentant, I lose the joyous and peaceful fellowship with Him.
I am thankful that when I apologize, God forgives me and restores me to Him.
1 John 1:9 If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.
I am also thankful that God has given me my husband who is committed to follow Christ. That he also forgives me whenever I apologize.
This doesn’t mean though that I continue making mistakes since I will be forgiven anyway but rather I continue to live a new life in Christ.
It has been quite a journey! And I am excited on how God continues to answer our prayers on taking away things in our lives that are displeasing to him – pride included, and saying sorry in humility has been one of the best remedies.