Waiting on God: Our Journey to Pregnancy part 1

Jason and I got married on May 19, 2013 after 6 years of being in a relationship and 1 year of getting to know each other. We were just kids when we fell in love! 😛 I was 19 and in college and he was 24 and finding his way in the world when we met. See how we met each other in the link below.

How I Met My Husband

Finally in 2013 sinagot na nya ako. 😛 Haha just kidding! Our proposal video is below if you dare see. I struggled to say YES to be honest I am a shy and private person and I was embarrassed because there was an audience.

Our Proposal Video by Julaenie

That time it wasn’t trendy yet to do flash mobs and such. But I was glad to be there with friends. :)

Anyway that’s not the point of this entry. When we got married, we were advised to just enjoy our married life for 1-2 years before we have a baby. 6 months into the marriage, I felt that I was ready to have a child. But God knew otherwise.

I remember I was compelled to start praying for our future child back in 2012 after the proposal. I was given the desire to be a mother someday. I really thought that when we get married and have our honeymoon we would instantly conceive. After our wedding, we took precautions because of the advice of enjoying our marriage first. And then a few months after, we went on our way.

I raised my concern with Jason that I wanted to start a family. That time I guess he wasn’t ready yet maybe because of all the new adjustments – getting married, running a house with me, finding our partnership, finding our sweet spot of working together.
Despite the apprehensions, he agreed that I needed to check with my OB.

2013 – FIRST OB CHECK UP 

So I had a visit with the first of many OB’s. She did a pap smear on me since it was mandatory for married women to undergo a regular pap smear. I thought that was it and then I would conceive. Then I was required to do an ultrasound.

2014 – A SERIES OF TESTS

I did the ultrasound months after and I changed OB then. I first did the ultrasound in a nearby hospital, Marikina Valley. I was expecting normal results because I wasn’t feeling anything unusual anyway.

Result 1

When we got the results, my eyes zeroed in on polycystic ovaries. Surprise! I wondered what the NEW GROWTH in left ovary meant. My OB requested that I do another a gyne doppler which was more painful than a regular ultrasound.

Result 2

And still there it was.. A solid ovarian new growth. I had a suspected tumor on my left ovary and its nature needed an operation to find out if it was cancer. Surprise #2.

Our prayer life deepened and I would have bouts of crying. Hearing that you have a suspected tumor brought some fears. Is it cancer? What if it is? Will I be needing chemotherapy? Will we still have a child?

I was just desiring for a child and I was given a “tumor” instead.. I really felt ashamed and felt like a burden to my husband. I knew he wanted to be a dad, but instead I had this.. I wanted to respond better but I felt bitter.. But God had a plan and I am so thankful for this experience looking back now in 2018.

It was also my first time to see my husband deep in prayer, crying with me and contemplating on what next steps we should take. Even with this setback, God has provided us with people to help us on this journey. I am not sure if I should name them but there were 2 women in our life who shared with us their journey on their ovarian cyst. We are very grateful for them.

We met with other doctors for 2nd, 3rd, 4th opinion and they recommended open surgery because they had to be careful with the mass and do a biopsy. They were going to do an open surgery so they can check within 45 minutes if it was cancer or not. If it was, they may have to remove all neighboring organs since it may be affected, worst case scenario.

 We really didn’t want an invasive surgery and looked at laparoscopic treatment. But was rejected by the doctor because of its nature. We prayed for God to come through and take it away miraculously on our next ultrasound. But it was still there! We sought prayers from our family, D12 leaders, and close friends. We prayed, prayed and cried and we asked God for wisdom what to do.

Then we had to do a tumor marker test.

Result 3

It came out negative. Praise God! Then we had to do another ultrasound..

Result 4

The words “suspicious of non-benign in nature” what does this mean? It’s so confusing. I was cleared from the tumor marker but the ultrasound indicates a non-benign growth. Also I was higher than normal in other cut-off’s.

Really, it was a roller coaster of emotions! But I felt that God was teaching us to trust Him on this (and just everyday of our lives!)

We prayed and prayed for wisdom.

When we consulted a gyne-onco (Gynecologist and cancer specialist) for the second time, he quoted us a ridiculously huge amount to do the procedure. It was shocking but then he also said that it was urgent but he can wait until our best feng shui date.

What does that mean? We don’t believe in feng shui. And what if we did and the best feng shui date is 2 years from now? (i don’t know how this works!) Then it means it’s not urgent.. and it may not be cancer. We thank God for this sign that helped us decide what our next steps would be.

It was such a relief. God came through but it’s not how we expected it to be. He just wanted us to trust Him. We started to ease up and relax.

We immediately decided to change doctors and went for my mother-in-law’s trusted OB, Dra. Decena in UST.

We thank God for her. :) After a consultation, we decided to schedule an operation.

We wanted to enjoy the remaining days of my normal self because we didn’t know what awaited us after. We let it off our minds and celebrated our 1st anniversary in Phuket, Thailand which we enjoyed so much.

A week after, off to UST we went.

2014 – A MAJOR OPERATION

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How could I share the experience? It was a mix of worry and excitement. I had my devotion at the hospital and this was what God impressed in my heart.

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Then preps for the operation began a night before. The blood tests, x-rays were fine but after!!

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Que horror really. Enema was performed all over and over again on me! I wished I hadn’t eaten that piece of cake and my last meal of Greenwich lasagna. Took me around 13 trips to the toilet. I was so exhausted and my nurse was laughing and saying I ate too much so I’m suffering this much 😛 We started at 8pm we ended at 11pm. IMAGINE. I felt so many pounds lighter after.

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I then took my last bath and off to bed I went praying that everything will be ok. And the peace of Christ was there. I slept like a baby.

The next day, I was woken up at around 5AM. I was transferred to the operating bed. Goodbye mommy, Goodbye hubby, see you on the other side.

They wheeled me into an enclosed room which was the operating room. The interns were with me and chatting with me, I really felt comfortable. And then they told me they had to prep the uterus area. OKAY do what you have to. Wala nang privacy, it’s fine, ganun talaga..

Then my anesthesiologist came, I remembered chatting with her and when she gave me the dose, I just heard her last words counting down 3, 2, 1…. and I was off to La la land.

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The dream team!! Thank you God for giving wisdom and skill to the doctors who attended to me. At nakapagpicture pa sila :p

The next thing I knew my mom was talking to me! in the RECOVERY ROOM! Visitors not allowed mommy. 😛 She was mistaken as a doctor so they let her in. <Grabe sya o.> And my mom was asking me to just grunt I’m okay to my Tita/Ninang nurse in the states over her cellphone.

As I remember I was not allowed to open my mouth yet because of air getting in. But well…

4 hours had passed from the operation. I remembered being too weak and I was shivering in the recovery room I had to talk and ask for a blanket. An image flashed on my mind, was I still opened up that’s why I felt cold?? They gave me this heated blanket and I fell asleep again. Next thing I knew I was back in my room with a bunch of flowers waiting for me. :) Thank you hubby and to my family..

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The tumor / cyst was benign, praise God! We thank God, our family and friends who prayed with us..

Side story, while I was still opened up, my mom told me that Dra. Decena came out of the operating room shouting “Arnie! it’s not cancer!” after finding out the results.

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UST Surgery (22)

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UST Surgery (32)

UST Surgery (25)

I looked down on my uterus area and I just saw this big bandage and I couldn’t feel anything. It was difficult to cough, to move. I stayed in the hospital for around 2 more days and I remember when I had to get up it was so hard! I felt like my guts were going to spill out. It felt so tender but I had to go pee and do #2 to know if my organs went back to its proper place.

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That whole year I looked pregnant and I was mistaken a lot of times by people who didn’t know what happened, because my tummy jutted out. I couldn’t exercise it felt so numb and come to think of it, it still feels numb. :) I have a scar on my tummy, my husband doesn’t mind and it just reminds us how God continues to be faithful in our lives. We are grateful to be out of that episode and yet we sympathize with those who still are. We know how it feels to go through all those.

Months after…  we asked, is it baby making time yet? Am I cleared this time?

Part 2 on the next entry…

2 thoughts on “Waiting on God: Our Journey to Pregnancy part 1

  1. Pingback: Waiting on God: Our Journey to Pregnancy Part 2 | Tastebudthrills X Project G | Life'sBasics

  2. Pingback: Our Journey to Pregnancy Part 3 | Tastebudthrills X Project G | Life'sBasics

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