Do you (seldom) make requests (or lambing) to your significant other or your spouse? I feel that somehow I seldom make (affectionate) “requests” to Jason so there was one time that before he left to meet our friend at the mall I “sweetly” requested him to 1. please have my concealer sharpened 2. please bring me home something (pasalubong).
He came home after work and I was anticipating what he would bring me. So as I heard his footsteps in our hallway, I was eager to see his “surprise”. Until he finally came into view and…
…I saw his hands empty.
I asked him “no pasalubong?” And Jason said “Shoot!! Oo nga pala!! (in English, I forgot!!)” I asked him again, “how about my concealer?” And then again.. He forgot and said that he couldn’t squeeze it in because he was pressed for time.
I kind of sulked during that time. Maybe because I just read something about how a wife doesn’t necessarily like to receive a particular gift – any gift (or pasalubong) is okay because it signifies that during the day, her husband thought of her somehow.
I was frustrated inside. I was hurt because I felt that he didn’t remember me during those times. Internally I was reasoning, “I seldom request and he couldn’t even manage to do it (In Filipino, minsan na nga lang, ‘di pa nagawa)”.
But then Jason gave me a logical explanation that it shouldn’t be made into a big deal and asked me do I think the longer, mature, married couples fuss about these small matters? He also said that it wasn’t his intention to forget about it and really come home empty handed of my requests.
I was stumped for a bit and I didn’t have anything to say. I reflected for a while and thought about what he said and my actions too. He may be sincerely wrong, but how about me? where was I wrong?
He came home tired from his activities and errands, and instead of the usual “welcome home” greeting, I asked him what he brought home for me. I didn’t even check on him, how his day went, how his meeting went. I was more focused on the gift than the giver. More than that, I was selfish to want myself to preoccupy his mind as he was away for just a little while. When I dug deeper in my heart, I also realized that part of me was setting him up to test him. The thing that I read stuck in my mind to see if he could manage to remember me amidst his busy-ness throughout the day. And then when reality didn’t meet expectation, I grabbed that opportunity to show my disappointment.
But his failing to meet my request doesn’t give me the right to act that way towards him.
Should I just be loving and respectful of him when he is? Does love mean just loving when our spouse is loving towards us? But, what credit is there to act lovingly when our spouse acts lovingly towards us as well?
The next day I shared with him my feelings and again he apologized that he didn’t mean to. I was also apologetic on my part especially since I was too intent on seeing what he brought me instead of being glad that he came home safely.
Things that I took away from this were:
1. to not test my husband (the intention of testing our spouse is just setting us up and giving us wives a reason not to trust them).
2. the giver is ALWAYS more important than the gift.
3. To understand where he is thus I should extend grace because
4. In Love and Respect, I should “remember that my spouse is really a person of goodwill” meaning he doesn’t intend to hurt me.
My husband is a person of goodwill and I must take that to heart. Sometimes it’s so easy to test them and see where they are wrong, but this verse encourages me whenever I feel righteous and ready to pinpoint his faults,
Psalm 139:23-24 Examine me, God, and know my mind, test me, and know my thoughts. See if there is any offensive tendency in me, and lead me in the eternal way.
I have easily said, “Don’t forget me” to my husband while he was out and away, but I realized that more than me, whether or not he brings home/provides/gives me anything he was also telling me, “I hope I’m more important than anything,” “I hope you forget me not” as well.