When You Say Nothing At All…

If some couples have a hard time starting a conversation, my husband and I have a hard time stopping ours. I’m such a chatterbox with him. Even when we were dating, as soon as I get into his car I immediately go into a list of what happened to me throughout the day. My ex-bf then now husband used to be annoyed with that habit of mine so he suggested that as I get into his car, I greet him first, pause, and ask about his day. And wait until he asks me about mine. (Torture!) Just kidding. But I suppose I passed the test.. to move on to another challenge.

My husband just wanted to stress that there’s a thing called perfect timing. :p

He is known to be quiet (or so he believes… would our friends agree?) but I also find him a chatterbox when we’re together.  We talk about anything, from our past hurts, to how we feel about one another, to what transpired the time we weren’t with each other, to work problems, to rantings and morning devotions. Of course on good days that’s how open we could be and it just flows endlessly. On not so good days well it’s a different story. :p

Now that we are married our supposedly quick breakfast to get us going to our agenda  becomes a “trivial things about life” or “what was your dream last night and what you think it means” session spilling over to the time allotted for a scheduled activity that day. I suppose my incessant questions contributed to part of it. And his elaborate explanations the most of it. (:p)

One day at work I saw Jason kind of worried exchanging confused and anxious looks and tones between him and the staff. I wanted to be filled in on what happened.

So when we got to the car, I prodded him to relate what happened. He then explained a  boo-boo that occurred due to a miscommunication between him and a client. I didn’t hesitate to put on my chatterbox self and try to analyze why it happened and give suggestions to solve the problem.

“What happened? Did you do this? Didn’t you do this? Did you do that?…” and my interrogation goes on and on. I also added “Maybe you didn’t explain it properly that’s why.. You should have done this beb.. or that”. In Filipino, “Ano nangyari? Ginawa mo ba ito? Baka di mo kasi naexplain mabuti… Dapat ganito ginawa mo….”

It was then that Jason quieted me and somewhat said, “Did I tell you to fix the problem?” He was just sharing what happened.

I immediately remembered the book Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus that men are supposedly the Mr. Fix It species, but this time I was wearing his hat. The way I expressed concern was to bombard him with questions, should-have-done’s and solutions which do not help at all especially at that time when it just happened.

When my husband said that, I was jolted back to my role and the perfect timing to solve the problem should my advice be solicited. My husband was already concerned about the situation and here I was aggravating it.

I suddenly felt that I sometimes do say it best when I say nothing at all. When husbands share a problem to their spouse, it doesn’t mean that they automatically need her help to solve the situation. Sometimes they just need to let it out and express but they will face it later on.

In Proverbs 31:28 it says that a woman of worth opens her mouth in wisdom; kindly instruction is on her tongue.

I realized then that my words weren’t wise and it was disrespectful as I indirectly judged Jason and assumed that he couldn’t solve the problem. It would have been better if I respectfully asked him how can I help solve it? Or how can I be part of the solution? Suggestions like does he need me checking in the store more often etc.

If however I do not automatically think of responding that way, I should pause after my husband shares and discern the appropriate response  instead of shameless bombarding.

So though I feel the need to chatter away with my husband whether in telling stories or correction, I must agree that the song has got it right…..

Sometimes I do say it best when I say nothing at all.