So… we got pregnant 😹 Thank you Lord for an unexpected blessing in this pandemic. After all the treatments to have Grey… Makes me think could we just have waited?
Leading to finding out we were pregnant, Grey was hesitating to drink breastmilk. He was asking for Cowhead. He said Mommy’s milk tastes bad! But then at night when he wakes he would still comfort feed. He would also tell me that my milk is few.
I would continue to nurse him even if it was getting painful for me and even if he found it few. It was our way to connect. Our shared comfort, a bonding only we would ever have and share. When he would get upset or feel hurt, nursing would make him feel better. When he would get dizzy during our quick joyrides, latching would distract and calm him down.
Then my first ultrasound happened and I had some bleeding called Subchorionic Hemorrhage, I also had some contractions. It was advised that I stop breastfeeding. I was crying for days. I think I had it harder than Grey to be honest.
When I arrived home I told Grey he couldn’t drink my milk anymore which he fondly calls Milkamama, or else mommy’s tummy would be owie and mommy may have lots of blood. He knew we were going to have a baby. And he understood the condition.
That afternoon instead of nursing to sleep, surprisingly he was able to sleep on his own after we read a book. That night he was able to sleep on his own as well after drinking Cowhead and our usual routine, telling stories of his day and then praying. He didn’t look for my milk and I thank God he was able to transition smoothly.
When he woke up to cry in the middle of the night, I couldn’t resist I offered my milk and he latched though very quickly. I was so emotional I was crying and couldn’t sleep!
It was over just like that. My breastfeeding days. I didn’t offer my milk nor did he ask for it. He would sleep independently for his nap and at night.
Day 3 onwards:
Sleeping would sometimes be a struggle. Sometimes he didn’t sleep on schedule 12nn and 8pm. He would get exhausted close to 2pm and close to 9:30pm. He would talk until he falls asleep. He would crawl to his dad since I would fall asleep earlier.
So this isn’t an entry on how to wean. Because it just happened. And I miss Grey and that bonding every moment, every day. This would have dragged on until he was 3 but God knows best and it fell on schedule at 2 years old.
Weaning? one day they will be ready for it. And you will just miss it.
Even sleep training, he just slept on his own sometimes staring into space. And I’m missing those snuggles.
I am thankful for the benefits of our weaning though. He could sleep straight through the night without latching or asking for milk. But we make sure in the morning we offer milk or water. I also got better sleeps and I could move in any position except when he’s lying sideways or taking up our space. 😹
Lately Grey has been having meltdowns! And one night he was dreaming, he hugged my neck and said carry mommy! Since I couldn’t carry him lately. So much adjustments for this little boy but proud of him for being able to cope quickly. I think the meltdowns could be the suppressed feelings of quitting cold turkey. He didn’t throw a tantrum when I told him he couldn’t drink milk anymore.
Oh Grey. I feel sad having to share myself eventually to a new baby. Share my time, my feelings. This bonding will always be so special to me. How I wish I could nurse you longer but this is what’s best for us now. You will always be my first baby and I won’t forget this bonding, I hope you won’t too. 🙂